"Tell the left it was tuberculosis" Senate Majority Leader McConnell says to Doctor before Dying of Covid-19

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Washington DC - In between his last coughs , McConnell tells his attending doctor to ensure that his death is not attributed to the coronavirus. Dr. Pei states that McConnell expressed a desire to maintain his image that the coronavirus is not in fact real but an institution created by the left to subvert the power of the right. She said "His pupils dilated so large I could see the empty cavity inside his skull. This happened when he remembered that the senate would now be able to pass the coronavirus relief bill." In an interview with NBC two weeks ago, McConnell explores the linguist aspect of political dichotomies. He stated, "There's a reason the right is called the right; it's because it's right. Checkmate libt*rds." 


His last words were "Tell the left it was tuberculosis, asthma, high cholesterol, inflated ego, stupidity — but goddamnit please don't say it was the coronavirus. I refuse to die of coronavirus and become another statistic." Dr. Pei notes that she did not comply with the wishes of McConnell as she had a "moral and civic duty" to inform the people of the real cause of death. 

Editor's Note- Breaking News: Mitch McConnell has apparently risen from the dead in what devout Christians are calling the second coming of Christ. He condemned Pei and wished her "to give birth to only daughters." We reached out to the White House for a comment and the President said "I'm the second coming of Christ, not Mitch, this is another one of the schemes by the left." We will continue to update this story as it develops. 

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